Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Work-In-Progress Wednesday

Thought I'd catch the tail end of W-I-P Wednesday with this short passage from my work-in-progress, TRAIN WATCH:

Scene Setup: Grandpa Lum has just brought Cleo (the 11-year-old main character) and Otis' mother, Sarah, home from the train station. Cleo learns her mother and grandfather were fussing during the whole ride back.

Okay, *taking a deep breath*, here it is:


"Cleo, baby," Mama cried, as they hugged.

"Mmm." Cleo sighed, inhaling the floral scent of her mama’s perfume, her arms wrapped tightly around her mama’s waist. "Mama, you smell so good."

"Thanks, honey." She shrugged off her fur-collared coat, then set her shiny black handbag down on one end of the sofa. "The lady who lives next door to me is a representative for this beauty company called Avon. She showed me a little booklet filled with all kinds of perfumes, powders, and lipsticks, then let me try a sample of this fragrance. Isn’t it heavenly?"

"It sure is, Mama. What did Grandpa say?"

"Oh, what didn’t he say? First, he said I smelled like I’d taken a bath in a pot of simmerin’ flowers. Then I said, ‘Well, Daddy, I got a gentleman friend who likes it very much.’ Then he said, ‘if you spendin’ your time with a fella, I ’spect you won’t have much time for your children. So’s they might as well stay with me and your ma.’"

"Oh, Mama, no."

"Oh, yes, he did. So I lit into him like a match to wood."

Taking one look at her mama’s face, Cleo knew she and Grandpa Lum must have been arguing something terrible during the ride back from Winston-Salem. Her mama was piping-hot mad but, boy oh boy, did she look dignified! She wore a silk-like emerald green suit that enhanced her caramel complexion to a T, topped off with a matching hat tilted to the side, Greta Garbo style. And with those satiny-smooth white gloves, black high-heeled patent-leather pumps, and newly-pressed pageboy bob hair-do, she looked like she was going to a church revival! Cleo beamed, proud that her mama was doing good in New York, despite what Grandpa Lum said about her leaving the South.

13 comments:

Shelli said...

love it! great voice.

Crystal said...

Thanks for reading, Shelli! I didn't think it would get read this fast!

Colorado Writer said...

Really, really love it!!!!!!!!! I LOVE historical fiction!

Tess said...

I love the part about how she smelled like a pot of simmering flowers.

Really beautiful...I can smell it from here!!!

Crystal said...

Thanks, Stephanie & Tess! I really appreciate you both taking time out to read my little excerpt. Glad you liked it!

Kimberly said...

Dear Crystal,

Once I heard an editor say, "You can tell when the writer enjoyed writing their story. I can tell you are enjoying the process.

All the best to you,

Kimberly

Crystal said...

Hi Kimberly!

Thanks SO MUCH for stopping by! Yes, I am enjoying the process of writing this story. It's been interesting to see how new or revised scenes can lead to new or better developments in the plot of the story.

Glad you enjoyed this bit of my story!

wimpymom said...

Wow. This looks really good. Can't wait to read more.

Crystal said...

Thanks so much for stopping by, wimpymom! Glad you enjoyed the story!

Robyn said...

Your voice is beautiful Crystal. I love how mama was piping-hot mad but dignified. Great picture in my mind! :) Thanks for sharing.

I unplugged last week, which is why I'm only just reading it now.

Tess said...

Hey Crystal...just haven't heard from you in a while and thought I'd pop over and see what's up with you. Hope all is well!

Crystal said...

Thanks SO MUCH for stopping by, Tess! Yes, I know I haven't posted in a while & will make up for it very soon. I did miss it! But it's been crazy hectic around my house. My two girls both graduated from their respective schools 2 weeks ago, and then, on Father's Day, my husband's father passed away. And my husband took it VERY HARD. So . . . I've been trying as best I can to help him through his grief. But I know it takes time. We just got back late tonight from Connecticut (where my father-in-law lived); we attended the wak & funeral over the weekend & I'm pooped. But I wanted to get this comment because I really, really, appreciate your concern. You are so thoughtful! God bless you!

Thanks again & hope your weekend was good!

Tess said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. Don't stress about blogging. It's summer and we are all doing far less in that regard..which is fine :D

Wishing you peace!

Look forward to seeing you back in the bloggosphere whenever that works out.